Friday, March 29, 2013

A Few Good Eggs

While this blog title might conjure images of Tom Cruise and Jack Nicholson battling it out, this post isn't about a dramatic court marshal scene in A Few Good Men. It's about me sharing my truth. That truth is that I struggle with infertility, and I mean struuuuugle. Some of you reading this have been a part of this journey from the beginning and some of you will be surprised about the candor in the contents to follow. Consider yourself warned! :) 

Six and a half years ago, I married the best guy and after attending a toddler's birthday party a mere 6 months after our wedding, we decided we wanted to start a family. Throwing caution (and birth control) to the wind, we were sure that within months we would be welcoming a baby into our 600 sq ft apartment. Almost a year later, no baby had arrived. We weren't too concerned yet. We had recently relocated to Colorado from Texas and were settling in to new jobs and a new life and assumed the timing was just off. After a four month trial on Clomid, my doctor recommended turning to a specialist. I still don't think we had grasped that there might be a problem. Infertility happens to other people, right?

We met with our reproductive specialist for the first time in the fall of 2009. He came highly recommend by our friends who had just welcomed a beautiful baby girl thanks to his help. After getting over the initial giggles that the man who was going to help us conceive was named Dr. Bush, we got down to business. We both underwent multiple tests and learned a new language from diagnosticians and nurses and after much poking and prodding sat down to receive our results. The bottom line was that at 30 years old, I was out of good eggs. For unexplained reasons, I had a "severely diminished ovarian reserve." This was a crushing blow. I ugly cried in front of our doctor while Ken held my hand and slid me tissue after tissue. Why was my body failing me just as I was ready to start a family? It wasn't fair. I wanted what seemed to come so easily to so many others. I was angry, frustrated and disappointed in myself and my inability to do what women are made to do. It was just so hard.

Our doctor was very direct with us. The odds of conceiving without assisted reproductive technology (ART) was very low. He recommended that we try IUI as our first treatment because of its (relatively) low cost, and because we might get lucky. We saved up for a few months and got ready to do the treatment in the summer of 2010. In this window of time I poured myself into preparing to get pregnant. I began weekly acupuncture treatments, drank disgusting tinctures and herbal teas, listened to soothing music, tried fertility yoga and had a Mayan abdominal massage. I was READY! We went through one round of IUI and weren't successful. After many tears and shaking an empty angry fist at God, I made the call that I needed a break from "trying". Since 6 months into our marriage, I had counted cycle days, scheduled sex and spent a small fortune peeing on sticks.  Enough was enough.

We spent the next year and a half living the DINK life: buying our first home, taking trips, and drinking fantastic microbrews all over Colorado.  It was a nice break, but at the end of the day I still longed to be a mommy and start our family. We returned to Dr. Bush to get his opinion on how we should move forward. He told us our best option for conceiving would be to pursue IVF with egg donation. After much consideration and saving, we have begun the treatment process.

A dear friend recently encouraged me to share my story and be transparent with what we are going through.  It is my hope that sharing will help me get through the process (its amazing how cathartic just writing this blog has been!) and may help others in the same situation.  

So, now you know the background on what we hope is going to be our happy ending. The blogs to follow will keep you posted on our treatment and will hopefully evolve into a pregnancy blog in the months to come.  Thank you for your support!


  1. Lindsey, I will say a prayer for you.

  2. What an awesome blog! Obviously inspired writing with humor to boot! Keep it going. What an awesome story you have to share.

  3. Fabulous, fabulous first post. Heh heh, Dr. Bush, heh heh. I look forward to sharing in your journey through your blog! I love your sense of humor.