Arlo is now 9 weeks old, which thankfully has meant he is sleeping in 6 -7 hour stretches at night and takes a couple of nice naps during the day. Yesterday I was going through our routine for a successful morning nap: Sleep Sheep on playing lullabies (check), baby swaddled to avoid startle reflex (check), sweet rocking to lull him to sleep (check), gentle transition to his crib (check). As I was stepping out of his nursery and thinking of what I should attempt to accomplish during his nap time, I paused to peek in and make sure he was really asleep when I was struck by the enormity of the moment. Here I was, a mother, standing at the entrance to my son's beautiful nursery watching the peaceful rise and fall of his contented chest. I was at once overwhelmed, grateful, and in disbelief at the trajectory our life has taken in the last year.
12 months ago this week I received our IVF meds in the mail. I was in the midst of anxiety and doubt about whether or not our efforts and considerable financial investment would result in a baby. After all, we had spent 6.5 years trying without success, why would this "try" be any different? If I could go back and tell Lindsey of 12 months ago the shoes she would be standing in today, she likely wouldn't believe me. She carried a load of fear and worry and a tiny, infinitesimal amount of hope.
I guess the reason I'm sharing this today is to encourage those of you still reading. Those of you who are carrying the heavy load of fear and doubt. I do not for a moment take for granted the miracle that is sleeping in that crib and that we are among the incredibly lucky ones to be on this side of the struggle. After 6.5 years, 12 months, a load of needles and a tiny seed of hope changed everything. Miracles are possible. Our family is proof.
I love this post. Love, love, love it. "...a load of needles and a tiny seed of hope changed everything." I haven't lost the hope yet! Posts like yours help me hang on to it. :)
ReplyDeleteGreat hearing from you again!!!
ReplyDeleteSuch a great post! I'm so happy for you Lindsey! Thanks for reminding us all to hold on to the tiny seed of hope!
ReplyDeleteLove this post, Lindsay! I needed to read it today. It does give me a little bit of hope. Hugs.
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