Embryo Eve!

I woke up this morning at 4:15 and couldn't sleep another wink. Tomorrow is our embryo transfer and to me the day is a LONG time coming. We've known for a several years that donor egg IVF was going to give us the best chance of conceiving, but getting to the emotional, and financial place to kick off this treatment was a long process. Saturday is going to feel a little like Christmas morning (if your Christmas morning includes a paper gown, hospital footie socks, ultrasound wands and valium)! 

Tomorrow morning we will wake up and I'll take my shots like a champ. We'll have breakfast and then make the 40 minute drive to the clinic. Once we arrive we will check in and meet with our embryologist. We haven't heard from our embryologist since Tuesday and he assured us that no news was good news. They would only call if there was a problem with how the embryos were growing. So we hope to find out that we have at least a few Grade-A embryos waiting for us. Once we've met and selected the embryo to transfer, I'll take my happy pill (Valium) and get prepped for the big show. 

The actual transfer process is quick and painless. Ken will get to be in the room with me to hold my hand and watch on the monitor, because it would be far too strange to conceive without your husband in the room. :) I'll probably cry, because that's what I do. Not from fear or pain, but because I want this so badly. Afterwards we'll be released to come home and I'll begin my three days of queendom bed rest. 

So, wherever you are tomorrow at 11:30am MT, send up a prayer or hopeful thought because Operation Baby Gage is happening! 

Sore Bum, Happy Heart

Last week at our ultrasound appointment, our nurse was telling us how estrogen is the "happy" hormone. So I will credit it with giving me some serious hopeful highs along the way. I have a very happy and hopeful heart. We found out yesterday that all 16 of our eggs fertilized thanks to Ken's super sperm (a fact he was VERY proud of) so I'm incredibly hopeful that we'll have at least a few of those fertilized eggs make it to beautiful blatocysts on day five!

Even in the midst of all this hormone driven hope, I still find myself playing devil's advocate and working out our plan B in the back of my head. It can't be helped. It's a defense mechanism and honestly, probably a good one to have. After many disappointments along the baby-making road, I don't want to feel blindsided and gutted if we aren't successful.  It's not something I spend much time thinking about, but it's still there.  The main thing I think about is a more pressing and annoying problem. I've got the PIO blues.  For those of you not into all the infertility acronyms, PIO is short for Progesterone in Oil. It's a viscous liquid medication that your husband gets the honor of injecting into your rear every morning. 

I've been lucky to have enough cushion that the actual injection process doesn't hurt. I've read online of tiny little women having some significant pain with the shot itself, so score one for the curvy gals! My problem lies in the after effects. Because I was slow to respond to the PIO in our mock cycle, our doctor upped the dose for the big show. I'm taking 100 mgs each morning delivered in two 1.5" needles. We don't get the luxury of switching sides, it's a double barrelled fun-fest each morning between 5 - 6 am. :) I'm left with some pretty severe soreness afterwards that no amount of massaging, walking-it-out, or heating pads seem to alieviate. I know that this will all be worth it, and that I'll get used to it. (I better! If we get pregnant, I'll be continuing these shots through the first 10 - 12 weeks of pregnancy...YOWZA)

The other thing on my mind is my impending bed rest.  Our doctor is all about cutting edge treatment, but he's also conservative in the post procedure department. He's recommended 3 days of bed rest following our embryo transfer. So of course, being the rule follower that I am, I'm prepared to stay comfortably in my favorite PJs and let Ken wait on me.  (This is sounding better and better!) I will be fighting my natural urge to bustle. When I'm off work, I tend to whirl around the house sorting mail, cleaning, getting ahead on projects, washing laundry, etc. I'll decide that I MUST clean out our closets and make a Goodwill run or that NOW is the time to steam clean our carpets.  So, in order to not go crazy laying around for three days, I need suggestions for time consuming entertainment.  What are your favorite books? Great TV series' that can be consumed en masse? Help a busy bee out! :)

Eggcellent News!

The past two days have been happy ones around the Gage house. Saturday (my birthday) we got word from our nurse that it was time for me and our donor to trigger! Sunday morning Ken and I went to the doctor for an ultrasound to check my lining. The sonographer was very happy with how things looked. My lining measured at 13.9mm which we were assured was excellent for implantation. I, of course, had to Google it to make sure she wasn't just being nice to the infertile lady on Mother's Day, but low and behold, over 8mm means a happy uterus. Hooray!

Today our donor went in for her egg retrieval and we found out that they retrieved 24 eggs! 16 of which were mature and injected with ICSI using Ken's special baby making business. :) Tomorrow an embryologist will call us to let us know just how many of those 16 eggs fertilized. Our doctor recommends waiting until day 5 to transfer embryos when they are at the blastocyst stage. So we will wait until Saturday for our transfer. 

Tonight I pray for those tiny little eggs in Petri dishes. I pray that they fertilize and become healthy embryos. I pray that those embryos grow strong and healthy and that one of them will feel like making themself at home with me for the next 9 months.

Oh Happy Day!

Today, I turn 34 years old. Every year, my sweet mother calls me to wish me a happy birthday and she always tells me the story of my birth. I was born the Friday evening before Mother's Day and my mom likes to tell me I was her very first Mother's Day gift.

How sweet is this photo?!

It was 1979 and my mom was a rockstar. She and my dad took Lamaze classes and practiced their breathing together. They lowered the lights in the delivery room and played soothing music because my mom wanted to bring me into a peaceful existence. After I was born the doctor handed me to my dad so he could give me my very first bath.  It was all very zen. :) She was still in the hospital on her very first Mother's Day and got to take me home the next day. 

For as long as I can remember, my birthday has been celebrated on the same weekend we honor my mom and I love that. This year, my birthday is being made all the sweeter because both our donor and I are scheduled to be triggered today. Her for an egg-retrieval on Monday and me to receive an embryo next Friday or Saturday. I can't imagine a better birthday gift!

Happy birthday to me and happy Mother's Day to my biggest champion.  I love you!

Advocate...it's a verb

Today is Resolve's Advocacy Day in Washington, D.C. I've been following the tweets and Facebook posts as infertility advocates have taken to the nation's capital to meet with our legislators to implore them to support the Family Act.

The Family Act is a tax credit bill that will cover the out-of-pocket costs incurred for the medical treatment of infertility. If passed, this bill will help thousands of couples defray the cost of treatment, specifically IVF. The bill has been modeled after the Adoption Tax Credit that has given couples the help needed to build their families for years. 

Our lawmakers support legislation that matters to their constituents so it's up to us to let them know that the Family Act is important! 

You don't have to be personally struggling with infertility to advocate for this legislation. I'm asking you, my family and friends, to take 3 minutes to complete an online form to send an email to your representative and senators. You have the time to do this, I promise! :) If you have time to check Facebook, play Candy Crush Saga, or flip through your DVR queue, you can take 3 minutes to send a message to your elected officials. Please consider making a difference today.

For more information on the Family Act click here.

...And Breathe

Whew. I think I've been holding my breath a little bit over the last week and it feels good to exhale. Last Monday I went to the doctor for an ultrasound and blood work to see how I am progressing in our transfer cycle. I could tell by the look on the sonographer's face that she wasn't liking what she was seeing. She was concerned that my lining wasn't where it should be for this point in my cycle and she saw a small cyst on my right ovary. NOT what you want to hear 2 weeks before you hope to transfer a precious embryo into your womb. EVERYTHING in the transfer cycle (for the recipient) is about the uterine lining. 

They sent me on my way and said they would review the ultrasound images with our doctor and call me to let me know if and how we should proceed. I got a call later that afternoon that Dr. B wanted us to proceed as planned with my shots and estrogen therapy and come back a week later for another ultrasound. If the ultrasound looked good we could proceed with treatment, if it didn't they would immediately take me in for a sonohysterogram to try to pin down what the problem was and to rule out polyps. All week long I've been thinking about my upcoming appointment and hoping and praying that everything would look A-OK. Not because I'm afraid of the sonohysterogram, but because I'm desperately afraid they would postpone or cancel our cycle.

Today was the day. I went in at 7:30 am and this time my sonographer had a smile on her face. She let me get dressed while she confirmed her conclusions with the doctor. No sonohysterogram for this girl.  My uterine lining looks awesome, the cyst was gone, and they were both pleased with the results of my ultrasound. Can I get a woot woot?! I had blood work drawn and went to work.  Later this afternoon I found out that my estrogen levels are double where they need to be, so I don't have to continue adding patches to my therapy regimine (a fact I'm sure Ken is inwardly celebrating!) AND to top off the good news train, our donor went in today for an ultrasound and blood work and she is right on track for the egg retrieval next Monday! YIKES! :)

So that's the latest! Our cycle is on track and moving forward, and I think I will sleep well tonight. 

Say What You Need to Say

Warning: This post contains self-indulgent whining.

Ugh! It's 4:15am and I am wide awake with a terrible mix of head cold/allergies. I quietly snuck out of bed with my tissue box and iPad and made my way to the living room couch because I love my husband and he shouldn't have to be awakened by my lovely sneeze/cough/blowing nose medley on a Saturday morning. This is made all the more frustrating because I cannot take my lovely cocktail of OTC medicines to knock it out.  I'm a big fan of the Zyrtec/Neti Pot/ Aleve/ Benadryl at nighttime mix. It works wonders for me, but since we are in the midst of our transfer cycle the options available are tylenol and toughing it out. (Feel free to comment with your personal home remedies below! A friend just told me about garlic lemonade and it is on my list of things to try today.)

So, I feel pretty wimpy. My nose is red and raw, but I know that this will run its course in a couple of days and I'll be good as new. I'm pretty good at talking myself out of a personal pity party and will shake this off, but at 4:15 on a Saturday morning it feels a little bleak. :)

Since I'm awake, I thought I'd jump into a blog post that's been rolling around in my head for the last couple of weeks. I have been thinking about how isolating infertility can feel at times, especially from those you love the most. I have recently received an amazing outpouring of support from friends and perfect strangers in the IF community but realized that many times the ones closest to us don't reach out because they simply do not know what to say. Let's face it, it's a bit of a tricky minefield. No one wants to say the wrong thing, so many people just remain silent. 

I remember when Ken and I were about to become engaged and I was meeting his family, his sweet grandmother who I ADORE avoided calling me by my name for fear she would call me by the name of his ex.  I was never hurt by this because I knew her intentions were to avoid an awkward situation and potentially hurting my feelings. Eventually she dropped the "hers" and "shes" and "sweethearts" and adopted using my name. It still makes me smile to think about it. So I started wondering, how many people have read the "Things not to say to an infertile couple" posts online and decided that rather than put their foot in their mouth, they would keep it shut?

Rather than tell people what not to say, I thought I'd post the things that people have said to me that I have loved:

• I want to be supportive, but don't know how. Tell me how I can. (I love the honest and direct approach!)
• I love you (simple works!)
• I'm praying for you
• I'm thinking of you during your treatment
• I'm rooting for you! (everyone loves a cheerleader)
• Thank you for sharing what you're going through (when you leave yourself emotionally open, this one means so much)
• I'm excited for your future!
• You will be an awesome mommy/parents.

Bottom line, just start talking. Be honest and reach out to the ones you love who are struggling. Because it's early and I'm tired, sick and self-indulgent, I'll close with a song lyric :)

You'd better know that in the end,

It's better to say too much

Than never say what you need to say again