The Graduate

Guess who has two thumbs, is officially graduated from her infertility clinic, AND weaned from her meds?

THIS GIRL!

No more 5:30 am wake-up calls for progesterone shots. No more sticky estrogen patches that no amount of scrubbing completely remove. More than anything I'm thrilled that my body seems to be doing what it is supposed to: producing the hormones needed to sustain a pregnancy and grow this sweet baby.

We are just a few short days from hitting the 12 week milestone and 6 days from our first appointment with our OB and another ultrasound to see our little one (now the size of a fig!). To say we are excited would be an understatement. Stay cozy Embry!

A Letter to Embry

I had my first dream about you last night. As dreams tend  to go, it was brief and fleeting, but it was particularly vivid. I was bent over your infant carrier watching you sleep. You were so tiny! As you slept you were smiling and making tiny sleeping baby noises. I had the distinct feeling that you were a boy (forgive me if I'm wrong!) and you were absolutely breath-taking. Technically, you woke me from my dream, as I stirred to wake up and use the bathroom in the middle of the night. I desperately wanted to fall back asleep and see you again! I guess I'll have to wait two more weeks until our next ultrasound, but that grainy black and white image does not do you justice.

In other news, you are now the size of a kumquat and I think the cravings have officially begun. My current favorite foods are BLT's on sourdough and spicy dill pickles from Heine's produce stand. All my pants are snug and I wore my first pair of maternity pants to work today...talk about freedom! Visit me in my dreams anytime little one. 

Moving On

I never thought I would be sad to be released from the care of my Reproductive Endocrinologist, yet here I am 9 weeks pregnant and a tiny bit sad to leave the amazing staff at Conceptions Reproductive Associates. Monday we had our last ultrasound at CRA and filled out the patient release forms so all our records can be sent to my OB. I will still go in for a quick blood draw next Tuesday so they can work out a plan to wean me off my medications, but other than that we are done. No more consults, no more exams. My care will be transferred to the amazing care of my OB who I absolutely adore! I've been seeing him for my annual exams for the past 6 years and he is a remarkable doctor who makes his patients feel special and important. I can think of no one else I would want to care for me during pregnancy and deliver our precious little one, but the transition is bittersweet.

When I would sit in the waiting room at CRA, I knew I was not alone. There was a room full of other hopeful men and women waiting to be promoted to daddy & mommy. There was a comfort in knowing you were among fellow travelers on the path of suck-ass infertility (yea, I said suck-ass). There was a tenderness and caution among the staff and they approach their patients with care and kleenex. I feel a strong attachment especially to our donor egg coordination team. For those of you who have been through IVF, you know there is an incredibly sensitive timeline that has to be managed. When you add in the component of of donor + an anxious recipient, the process is even more complicated. Our nurses coordinated our care seamlessly and somehow, without conveying any identifying information, made me feel connected to our donor in a very special way.

As we prepare to move on from "infertility patient" to "expectant parents" I wanted to provide some small token of our appreciation to our nurses, sonographers and phlebotomists who helped make this step a reality. Today I assembled some goody bags to deliver along with hand-written thank you notes. 

Lest you think I'm incredibly creative, I will credit the idea to a blog I found via Pinterest. Thank goodness for other creative people I can copy emulate.

I'm working to figure out how to navigate these new waters. I still don't feel like I have left infertility behind. It's far too fresh and far too early. I also don't know that I want to leave it behind. It is a cause I'm incredibly attached to. In case you couldn't tell from my rather lathered up post a couple of weeks ago, I am passionate about making sure that the message of infertility is shared broadly. It's about education. It's about men and women understanding how many people this disease touches and realizing that if may be part of their reality. It's about support for people struggling, and it's about changing the way our legislators and insurance companies view infertility. In honor of Independence Day, I encourage you to put to use your rights and email your legislators today and encourage them to support the Family Act. I have emailed, faxed, and sent written letters to my elected officials three times in the last 2 months. I have received nothing but stock form letters in response, but I'm pretty tenacious. I REALLY want to see a CO legislator supporting this bill. So before you leave for the fireworks, I encourage you to spend 5 minutes to send an email to your legislators here. If your legislator is already sponsoring this bill, write a note of thanks for their support!

Ok, off the soap box. Happy Fourth everyone! :)

Little Miracle

Yesterday we had our second ultrasound.  I wasn't the nervous wreck I was last time and actually had a healthy normal blood pressure when they checked my vitals. When our sweet sonographer began, her first words were "Oh My!" In just two weeks little Embry has more than doubled in size. We heard a beautiful rapid healthy heartbeat of 185 bpm. After checking to make sure my ovaries and uterus looked healthy, we got a guided tour of our little one. She pointed out the head, arm and leg buds, spine, and heart (now with four chambers!).  Baby Gage measures right at an inch long and is about the size of a large grape. While I can't feel any movement, we were able to watch our baby move and wiggle during the ultrasound. 

I know I am guilty of overusing the words "awesome" and "miracle" in everyday conversations. "That lemon tart was awesome!" "The mailman made it to our house before 5pm, It's a miracle!" Yesterday's appointment put these words into perspective for me. I have a tiny, grape-sized miracle growing in me and that is truly awesome.